I can't believe it has been 5 weeks since I last posted. I fell behind, but I have good excuses, I promise!
So way back when...on November 12 (the day after my last post), my dad was in Memphis for work. He woke up that morning to put on his exercise clothes and had all the symptoms of a heart attack (he's had two others, so he knows what the symptoms are). He knew exactly what it was and actually took himself to the hospital! Crazy! They caught it early and did a stint in the artery that was 100% blocked. However, the cardiologist in Memphis told him his arteries were heavily blocked and he needed to see an expert ASAP. So that following Tuesday, the 18th, my parents managed to get him an appointment at Emory University Hospital. Side note: this place is incredible! If you ever have anything major wrong, this is the place to go. They met with the chief of cardiothoracic surgery who determined he needed 5-6 bypasses done sooner rather than later. So, the following Monday, 11/24 (Monday of Thanksgiving week), my dad had quintuple bypass surgery. The surgery was a success and he's on the mend! Yesterday was 3 weeks removed from surgery and he gets more energy back every day and is doing so well. We're thankful to God that the heart attack in Memphis caught this problem...otherwise, he would have been a ticking time bomb and things could have been much worse. This was all in God's plan to get him healthy for a grand baby! :)
So with all that said, you see how the past 5 weeks have been insane for us. We spent two weekends in Atlanta (the weekend before his surgery and then the weekend after as well) and have spent lots of time working on the nursery and getting ready for this sweet baby girl to join our family. Still can't do a nursery reveal since we're missing a few things, but hopefully soon!
I had my 36 weeks appointment today, which is the start of weekly appointments at the doctor. It is just insane to me how quickly all this time has gone. I remember back in May, when we first found that precious heartbeat on the ultrasound, thinking January felt eons away. Well, now it is here! Here is what we learned at the doctor:
• I tested positive for GBS (Group B Strep). I won't go into details of this, and you can Google it (although Google makes it worse than it is...always). I was kind of bummed to learn about this, but the doctor reassured me 25% of women have it. You either have it or you don't. You don't "catch" it and it doesn't mean you have the cooties or are dirty or anything like that. It is just a natural bacteria in the body. It is completely harmless to me. The only thing is, they check for it so I don't transmit it to the baby during labor. All this means is they will put me on an antibiotic IV during labor. So not really that big of a deal...I just hate that my body isn't perfect for her.
• The doctor is pretty sure she's head down! This has been something I've been worried about the past few weeks. At 32 weeks, she was breach. Breach means a c-section, which I am really trying to avoid. The past few weeks, I have felt this hard knot at the top of my belly so I've just assumed she has stayed breach and have been mentally preparing myself for that. She did an exam this morning and said she was pretty confident she is head down (and not butt down). So that hard knot at the top must be her little butt! Ha ha! We'll know for sure Monday if she's head down because...
• The BIG news is I measured 39 weeks! WHAT??? Gestationally, I am 36 weeks today. Crazy! So because on the fundal height measurement we are measuring more than 2 weeks off, we get to have a growth scan done Monday. This is so exciting, but also intimidating to me. I am excited because it means I get to see here again, but also because it means we may be closer than we think to meeting her! YAY!!!!!!! It's also intimidating because it means she may be a big girl and because it means we may be closer than we think to meeting her!
So here is where we are:
Weeks: 36 (measuring 39)
Size: More than 18.5" long and almost 6 pounds.
Sleep: I do not sleep. That's about the long and short of it. It's God's way of preparing me for when she gets here I think. I swear I'll sleep more once she's out than I am now! Ha ha! Between the intense hip pain and heartburn, sleep is but a thing of the past. Of course, I wouldn't change it for the world and am grateful this is where we are!
Feeling: She is a feisty little thing! All the apps say she should be on a wake schedule in the womb. HA HA HA! I laugh at them! This child does what she wants, when she wants. Sometimes she moves all day and is quiet at night. Other times I barely feel her during the day and start to get nervous about it, but then she'll squirm all night long. And I LOVE feeling her move! I'm going to miss not having her with me all the time and feeling this wiggles and punches.
Showing: Well, since we're measuring 39 weeks, I'll go ahead and say YES on this one! No need for further clarification and there will NOT be a bump picture, either.
Milestone: Hitting the 36 week mark, which means weekly doctor visits and also that if we were to go into labor at this point, she would be a good size/weight and would hopefully get to come home with me when I get released. Of course, staying in there a few more weeks is what is ideal, but it's a relief to know she could be delivered safely at this point.
We ask for prayers that God continue to bless this pregnancy and baby and for a safe and healthy delivery for both she and I. We're incredibly close to the end and I am joyful, excited, emotional, anxious and nervous all rolled into one. God has blessed Jarren and I beyond words with this gift and I love her so much. Every time I see her sweet face on my phone I get choked up with all the love. I know it only grows stronger! We have prayed, "Lord, light our path" and that He has done...He has illuminated it!
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
31 Weeks
It's time for yet another update! We are 31 weeks today and time is still just flying by. I haven't made a written "list" yet of things to do...but it's in my head. And it's overwhelming! And now all of a sudden I hear people talking about a birth plan. A birth plan? What the heck is that? I thought my birth plan was to give birth? No? If someone wants to enlighten me on what a birth plan is, feel free. Because right now my plan is to get this child out safely.
We've still got about a dozen things to do for her nursery...I need a mattress pad, a rug (ordered one off Pottery Barn last night...everyone cross their fingers with me that it is the right color), a curtain rod/rings, a monogram for over the chest, a mirror for over the dresser, a changing pad, knobs/pulls for the chest, two large rustic/distressed frames...oh my gosh! The panic is setting in again! Our goal is to have the nursery finished by Thanksgiving.
I had my first shower in Birmingham a few weeks ago with Sorority sisters from my days at BAMA. And this weekend is my large shower here in town for friends and family. I feel so blessed that so many people care about us and Sarah Bradleigh and want to shower her with love. How awesome is it to have friends and family that care enough to go out of their way to host and attend a baby shower? My cup runneth over...
The outpouring of prayers we have received since this whole journey started with our loss in January is overwhelming to say the least. This child is such a blessing already and I love her more and more each day that passes. I long to have her in my arms and kiss her precious lips, hold her sweet hands, and tickle those sweet cheeks!
So here is where we are:
Weeks: 31
Size: At least 16 inches long from head to heel and about 3.5 pounds (the weight of a large coconut).
Sleep: Still have to take a Zantac every night for heartburn. Some nights it works, others it doesn't. It depends on how late I have eaten. But it is definitely better than before when I didn't have it!
Feeling: Starting this past Friday through yesterday (Monday) this child moved nonstop! I'm not even kidding...she would get to going to much that I could watch her move and squirm from the outside. And J finally felt her (and saw her!!!) move. She must of flat wore herself out because today I've felt a few "nudges", but that's it. It always worries me when movement slows down, but I just have to breathe and remember she has active days and slow days.
Showing: Yes! And I got my first "insult" (or what I consider a she-should-have-thought-before-she-said-it statement). A woman in a store asked me how far along I was. When I said, "almost 31 weeks...so only 9 more to go!" she responded with, "Really? You look a lot further along than that." I just smiled politely and said, "Nope - she's measuring right on track!" People - just THINK before you say something! When in doubt always reply with, "You look amazing and I bet you're getting excited." See? Easy!
Milestone: I would say Jay finally feeling her this weekend was a huge milestone! He just hadn't been patient enough to stop and sit for 5 minutes to try. He normally tries for 15-20 seconds, declares she won't move for him, and then goes on to something else. This time I waited until she was good and busy and just held my hand over his to keep him still. He finally looked at me and said, "OK, I definitely felt that!" I wanted to jump for joy, but he was cool as a cucumber about it. Get excited, man!!! It just goes to show that a woman bonds with her baby the moment she sees that heartbeat on an ultrasound. Then she bonds even further every time she feels her child move. But for a guy, I think the bonding comes in the firs 24 hours after birth...when he holds his child, smells his child, sees his child. For us ladies, we experience our child 24 hours a day for 280 days of gestation (if we're lucky).
So with 9 weeks left to go (6 until we're full term), I just ask that you continue to pray with us that she remains healthy and active. That she is protected and can get to full term. That we have a safe and healthy delivery. We appreciate the prayers SO MUCH and are in awe every day of this blessing the Lord has allowed for us. He is incredible and we give Him every ounce of credit for this miracle!
We've still got about a dozen things to do for her nursery...I need a mattress pad, a rug (ordered one off Pottery Barn last night...everyone cross their fingers with me that it is the right color), a curtain rod/rings, a monogram for over the chest, a mirror for over the dresser, a changing pad, knobs/pulls for the chest, two large rustic/distressed frames...oh my gosh! The panic is setting in again! Our goal is to have the nursery finished by Thanksgiving.
I had my first shower in Birmingham a few weeks ago with Sorority sisters from my days at BAMA. And this weekend is my large shower here in town for friends and family. I feel so blessed that so many people care about us and Sarah Bradleigh and want to shower her with love. How awesome is it to have friends and family that care enough to go out of their way to host and attend a baby shower? My cup runneth over...
The outpouring of prayers we have received since this whole journey started with our loss in January is overwhelming to say the least. This child is such a blessing already and I love her more and more each day that passes. I long to have her in my arms and kiss her precious lips, hold her sweet hands, and tickle those sweet cheeks!
So here is where we are:
Weeks: 31
Size: At least 16 inches long from head to heel and about 3.5 pounds (the weight of a large coconut).
Sleep: Still have to take a Zantac every night for heartburn. Some nights it works, others it doesn't. It depends on how late I have eaten. But it is definitely better than before when I didn't have it!
Feeling: Starting this past Friday through yesterday (Monday) this child moved nonstop! I'm not even kidding...she would get to going to much that I could watch her move and squirm from the outside. And J finally felt her (and saw her!!!) move. She must of flat wore herself out because today I've felt a few "nudges", but that's it. It always worries me when movement slows down, but I just have to breathe and remember she has active days and slow days.
Showing: Yes! And I got my first "insult" (or what I consider a she-should-have-thought-before-she-said-it statement). A woman in a store asked me how far along I was. When I said, "almost 31 weeks...so only 9 more to go!" she responded with, "Really? You look a lot further along than that." I just smiled politely and said, "Nope - she's measuring right on track!" People - just THINK before you say something! When in doubt always reply with, "You look amazing and I bet you're getting excited." See? Easy!
Milestone: I would say Jay finally feeling her this weekend was a huge milestone! He just hadn't been patient enough to stop and sit for 5 minutes to try. He normally tries for 15-20 seconds, declares she won't move for him, and then goes on to something else. This time I waited until she was good and busy and just held my hand over his to keep him still. He finally looked at me and said, "OK, I definitely felt that!" I wanted to jump for joy, but he was cool as a cucumber about it. Get excited, man!!! It just goes to show that a woman bonds with her baby the moment she sees that heartbeat on an ultrasound. Then she bonds even further every time she feels her child move. But for a guy, I think the bonding comes in the firs 24 hours after birth...when he holds his child, smells his child, sees his child. For us ladies, we experience our child 24 hours a day for 280 days of gestation (if we're lucky).
So with 9 weeks left to go (6 until we're full term), I just ask that you continue to pray with us that she remains healthy and active. That she is protected and can get to full term. That we have a safe and healthy delivery. We appreciate the prayers SO MUCH and are in awe every day of this blessing the Lord has allowed for us. He is incredible and we give Him every ounce of credit for this miracle!
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
29 Week Update
Here we sit at 29 weeks! One week has passed since the start of the third trimester and things are going great! Here's a little update of all that has transpired since my 28-week appointment last week:
10/21 - 1-hour glucose test performed at my appointment
10/22 - notified I failed the 1-hour test by one point. Seriously. ONE. LITTLE. POINT.
10/23 - 3-hour glucose test. Oh, so fun!
10/24 - Realized I hadn't felt any significant movement in 18 hours. Scared this mama to death. I continued to pray and ask for protection for this baby and I knew the Lord was in control, but I was a nervous wreck. Called the doctor and they brought me in for an NST (non stress test). Everything was fine - heart rate was great! As soon as they hooked me up to the belts, she hated being constricted and started kicking like crazy. I swore up and down she hadn't been doing that. It still scares me just remembering it all. But God has brought us this far in this miracle journey and we're trusting Him to carry us the rest of the way through.
10/28 - 3D/4D ultrasound where we got to see this baby's precious, beautiful, sweet face! I know I'm biased, but I seriously have the most beautiful baby. She is perfect and I fell even more in love. I still don't think it has sunk in how amazing the experience was! You can see below...this child is the spitting image of her daddy! I don't see many of my features yet, but hopefully she'll have a little bit of me in her!
Weeks: 29w 1d
Size: A Hawaiian pineapple. During the ultrasound yesterday, she measured at 2lbs 15oz.
Sleep: I have discovered Zantac and it is amazing! One pill before bed has kept my heartburn either completely away, or I wake up only once per night for some milk. LOVE it!!! Still get uncomfortable and the hip pain is come and go, but it's all worth it!
Feeling: Some days she's a karate kid and I feel her movement all day long. Other days, as mentioned above, I feel very little and it freaks me out. We noticed yesterday during the scan that she hides behind that placenta a lot (her little face is mushed up against it a lot) so that is really shielding a lot of the movement. I just have to remind myself of that when I forget the last time I've felt her.
Showing: Oh, yes! I'm really trying to avoid buying maternity clothes and just stick with some basics (2 maternity pants, 1 maternity shirt, 2 maternity camis) and then add my cardigans and stuff. I'm going to have to invest in a few more pieces. Thank goodness for Target and Motherhood, both are very inexpensive!
Milestone: Her bedding and curtains arrived! We've picked out a light fixture and have ordered a rug. It is really all starting to come together. My mom and I plan to organize her room and really get it finished the Friday after Thanksgiving. Hopefully then I can post a room reveal. It's beautiful and exactly how I imagined it.
Please just continue to pray with us for health and protection for her while she grows. And also for health for me regarding blood pressure (which I've been able to keep in check on my own, which is great) - preeclampsia is a big fear of mine. I cry out daily to God in thanks and amazement for His blessings. I feel so fortunate and this gift from God is the most amazing experience. Sometimes I cannot grasp how incredibly faithful our God is. He is good!!!
10/21 - 1-hour glucose test performed at my appointment
10/22 - notified I failed the 1-hour test by one point. Seriously. ONE. LITTLE. POINT.
10/23 - 3-hour glucose test. Oh, so fun!
10/24 - Realized I hadn't felt any significant movement in 18 hours. Scared this mama to death. I continued to pray and ask for protection for this baby and I knew the Lord was in control, but I was a nervous wreck. Called the doctor and they brought me in for an NST (non stress test). Everything was fine - heart rate was great! As soon as they hooked me up to the belts, she hated being constricted and started kicking like crazy. I swore up and down she hadn't been doing that. It still scares me just remembering it all. But God has brought us this far in this miracle journey and we're trusting Him to carry us the rest of the way through.
10/28 - 3D/4D ultrasound where we got to see this baby's precious, beautiful, sweet face! I know I'm biased, but I seriously have the most beautiful baby. She is perfect and I fell even more in love. I still don't think it has sunk in how amazing the experience was! You can see below...this child is the spitting image of her daddy! I don't see many of my features yet, but hopefully she'll have a little bit of me in her!
Weeks: 29w 1d
Size: A Hawaiian pineapple. During the ultrasound yesterday, she measured at 2lbs 15oz.
Sleep: I have discovered Zantac and it is amazing! One pill before bed has kept my heartburn either completely away, or I wake up only once per night for some milk. LOVE it!!! Still get uncomfortable and the hip pain is come and go, but it's all worth it!
Feeling: Some days she's a karate kid and I feel her movement all day long. Other days, as mentioned above, I feel very little and it freaks me out. We noticed yesterday during the scan that she hides behind that placenta a lot (her little face is mushed up against it a lot) so that is really shielding a lot of the movement. I just have to remind myself of that when I forget the last time I've felt her.
Showing: Oh, yes! I'm really trying to avoid buying maternity clothes and just stick with some basics (2 maternity pants, 1 maternity shirt, 2 maternity camis) and then add my cardigans and stuff. I'm going to have to invest in a few more pieces. Thank goodness for Target and Motherhood, both are very inexpensive!
Milestone: Her bedding and curtains arrived! We've picked out a light fixture and have ordered a rug. It is really all starting to come together. My mom and I plan to organize her room and really get it finished the Friday after Thanksgiving. Hopefully then I can post a room reveal. It's beautiful and exactly how I imagined it.
Please just continue to pray with us for health and protection for her while she grows. And also for health for me regarding blood pressure (which I've been able to keep in check on my own, which is great) - preeclampsia is a big fear of mine. I cry out daily to God in thanks and amazement for His blessings. I feel so fortunate and this gift from God is the most amazing experience. Sometimes I cannot grasp how incredibly faithful our God is. He is good!!!
Friday, October 17, 2014
27 Weeks - the last of the 2nd Trimester
I'll be honest, I have mixed emotions right now. On one hand, I'm sad that the 2nd Trimester is almost over. It has been wonderful! On the other, I'm so excited to keep creeping forward on this journey to meeting our baby girl! So it is both bitter and sweet to be posting this today. But I think more sweet...yes, definitely more sweet!
My main concerns lately have been movement. One day she's kicking like crazy most of the day, and then I'll go a day or two where I have to stop and think about the last time I felt movement. I know this dang anterior placenta is to blame for most of it, but it makes an already nervous mama that much more nervous! Couple that with random aches and growing pains (I think that's what these are?) and I've been on a roller coaster of emotions lately. But enough with that, on to the update!
Weeks: 27 + 3 days
Size: A bunch of bananas. She weighs about 2 pounds and is about 14.5 inches long. She measured tall at the anatomy scan, though, so I'm guessing she's closer to 15 inches at this point.
Sleep: Same as it has been...hip pain, heart burn and potty trips at night. I'm not complaining one bit! I've always been the type that couldn't function unless I had a solid 8-9 hours of sleep at night. That isn't happening and I'm able to function. The Lord is preparing me for those first few months and I'm totally OK with that.
Feeling: When she kicks, they are noticeable now. No question about it. And my mom finally felt her move! Several times... Jay? Not so much. He just isn't patient enough to be still and hold his hand there for 10 minutes.
Showing: According to Jay, "some days you look really pregnant and others you just look like you need to hit the gym for some crunches." Thank you, sweetie. That's what every pregnant woman wants to hear. The bump is growing big (in my opinion) after not showing for 21 weeks. And I've managed to put the weight on everywhere - not just out front. Lovely. Not sure what my overall weight gain is (I'll find out next week at 28 weeks), but at 24 weeks, it was still 2 pounds under pre-pregnancy weight. I'm sure this has all been due to cutting out wine. :)
Milestone: The room is painted, the crib is assembled, and the furniture has been refinished! My wonderful parents helped ALL weekend a few weeks ago. It is really coming together. The bedding is scheduled to be delivered next week (EEK!!!) and we still need a light fixture (I've found one at RH Baby & Child) and a rug (need some desperate help on this). I'll do a nursery reveal when it's done and explain all the sweet details that we have incorporated from family heirlooms as well as some new things. It's really very special!
For now, please just pray with us for protection for this precious child we are in awe of. God has blessed us every moment of every day with her and we pray for health for both her and me and that she continues cooking at least another 10 weeks! We appreciate all the prayers from everyone.
My main concerns lately have been movement. One day she's kicking like crazy most of the day, and then I'll go a day or two where I have to stop and think about the last time I felt movement. I know this dang anterior placenta is to blame for most of it, but it makes an already nervous mama that much more nervous! Couple that with random aches and growing pains (I think that's what these are?) and I've been on a roller coaster of emotions lately. But enough with that, on to the update!
Weeks: 27 + 3 days
Size: A bunch of bananas. She weighs about 2 pounds and is about 14.5 inches long. She measured tall at the anatomy scan, though, so I'm guessing she's closer to 15 inches at this point.
Sleep: Same as it has been...hip pain, heart burn and potty trips at night. I'm not complaining one bit! I've always been the type that couldn't function unless I had a solid 8-9 hours of sleep at night. That isn't happening and I'm able to function. The Lord is preparing me for those first few months and I'm totally OK with that.
Feeling: When she kicks, they are noticeable now. No question about it. And my mom finally felt her move! Several times... Jay? Not so much. He just isn't patient enough to be still and hold his hand there for 10 minutes.
Showing: According to Jay, "some days you look really pregnant and others you just look like you need to hit the gym for some crunches." Thank you, sweetie. That's what every pregnant woman wants to hear. The bump is growing big (in my opinion) after not showing for 21 weeks. And I've managed to put the weight on everywhere - not just out front. Lovely. Not sure what my overall weight gain is (I'll find out next week at 28 weeks), but at 24 weeks, it was still 2 pounds under pre-pregnancy weight. I'm sure this has all been due to cutting out wine. :)
Milestone: The room is painted, the crib is assembled, and the furniture has been refinished! My wonderful parents helped ALL weekend a few weeks ago. It is really coming together. The bedding is scheduled to be delivered next week (EEK!!!) and we still need a light fixture (I've found one at RH Baby & Child) and a rug (need some desperate help on this). I'll do a nursery reveal when it's done and explain all the sweet details that we have incorporated from family heirlooms as well as some new things. It's really very special!
For now, please just pray with us for protection for this precious child we are in awe of. God has blessed us every moment of every day with her and we pray for health for both her and me and that she continues cooking at least another 10 weeks! We appreciate all the prayers from everyone.
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
25 Weeks
Gosh time flies by. Another week down...and only 15 to go! 15 weeks...when I think of how short of a time that is, it blows my mind! 15 weeks ago was July 1st and I was anxious for the First Trimester Screening. That really doesn't seem that long ago! Each week that passes is just another step closer to holding our sweet miracle.
I'm amazed every day at the way God has us knit together. It's an incredible experience and there is no doubt our Creator has orchestrated all of this to a T. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. Wow!!! And to know the love I have for this little girl is a love I cannot grasp or explain...and God's love for us is infinitely greater. I love her so much already with every wiggle and bump.
Jay has yet to feel her move, but I think that's more of his impatience kicking in. With my anterior placenta (meaning it's on the front of my uterus), it makes it hard for people on the outside to feel her. I keep telling him he has to keep his hands there for longer than 10 seconds - she doesn't move on command! I urge things along with chocolate milk, but after a few seconds, he's over it. Bless him!
Here's what's going on at Week 25:
Weeks: 25
Size: An napa cabbage (???) on one app; a rutabaga on the other app. I'm questioning this so I'll go with measurements I understand: 13.5 inches in length and a little over a pound and a half.
Sleep: Between the trips to the bathroom, the heartburn, and my hips killing me every time there's a growth spurt, I don't sleep in long spurts. But that's OK! I think it's God's way of preparing me for what lies ahead.
Feeling: Bumps and Thumps every day. Some days are less than others and I'll be honest. Those days freak me out. The days where there is constant movement I'm fine. But then the days where I'm not feeling as much make me nervous something is wrong.
Showing: According to Jay, "she's really poking out now, isn't she?" Thank you, honey. Yes, yes she is.
Milestone: The crib was delivered Saturday and we assembled it ourselves in less than an hour with no fights and very minimal bad words. Woo hoo! It's sweet and precious and I can't wait to have everything put together.
Please continue to pray for Baby Girl as she cooks in there. And prayers for mama (me) for continued good health and no complications. Every prayer is felt and appreciated - so thank you!
I'm amazed every day at the way God has us knit together. It's an incredible experience and there is no doubt our Creator has orchestrated all of this to a T. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. Wow!!! And to know the love I have for this little girl is a love I cannot grasp or explain...and God's love for us is infinitely greater. I love her so much already with every wiggle and bump.
Jay has yet to feel her move, but I think that's more of his impatience kicking in. With my anterior placenta (meaning it's on the front of my uterus), it makes it hard for people on the outside to feel her. I keep telling him he has to keep his hands there for longer than 10 seconds - she doesn't move on command! I urge things along with chocolate milk, but after a few seconds, he's over it. Bless him!
Here's what's going on at Week 25:
Weeks: 25
Size: An napa cabbage (???) on one app; a rutabaga on the other app. I'm questioning this so I'll go with measurements I understand: 13.5 inches in length and a little over a pound and a half.
Sleep: Between the trips to the bathroom, the heartburn, and my hips killing me every time there's a growth spurt, I don't sleep in long spurts. But that's OK! I think it's God's way of preparing me for what lies ahead.
Feeling: Bumps and Thumps every day. Some days are less than others and I'll be honest. Those days freak me out. The days where there is constant movement I'm fine. But then the days where I'm not feeling as much make me nervous something is wrong.
Showing: According to Jay, "she's really poking out now, isn't she?" Thank you, honey. Yes, yes she is.
Milestone: The crib was delivered Saturday and we assembled it ourselves in less than an hour with no fights and very minimal bad words. Woo hoo! It's sweet and precious and I can't wait to have everything put together.
Please continue to pray for Baby Girl as she cooks in there. And prayers for mama (me) for continued good health and no complications. Every prayer is felt and appreciated - so thank you!
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
24 Weeks
Wow! Where has the time gone? I can't believe we are already at 24 weeks. Time is flying by! We have to kick it in high gear to get ready for this blessing to arrive in just 3.5 short months. We have ordered a crib and her bedding and that's about it! I'm excited to do a room reveal when it's all complete. A lot of stuff is new, but a lot is also revitalized furniture from our families that is sentimental to us. So we're blending the old and the new - and it is involving a LOT of time, paint, stain, sanding, etc. I had my 24-week appointment and all looks good. Baby Girl's heart rate is 152 and my BP has (praise the Lord) done great - 118/70 today! We are giving all the glory to God for this miracle, the miracle of health, of her, and of this exciting time. I go through periods where I'm scared to death - scared of delivery, scared of the epidural, scared of taking care of a tiny human. But God has walked with us this entire journey, and His promises are that He will continue with us. Our hope for this baby is that she will be kind, and good, and caring and will accept Chris for herself one day.
So here's what she (and I) have been up to since our last post:
Weeks: 24
Size: An eggplant from head to rump!
Sleep: Sleep? Ha! I get it if I take a Benadryl first. But even then it's not constant. Mainly becuase of the awesome heartburn that plagues me at night!
Feeling: Flutters, no more. Now I feel bumps and thumps! They're so sweet!!! I didn't know what they were at first, but now there's no doubt. She's quite active! I do have an anterior placenta, which keeps me from feeling as much movement as other mamas, but I know she's in there now!
Also, and this is TMI, but "lightning crotch" started yesterday. Freaked me out! Don't know what that is? Be glad - and just Google it! :)
Showing: Oh, yeah! It's a LOT bigger in the afternoon/evening than the morning but there's no buttoning pre-pregnancy clothes anymore. I have 2 pairs of maternity pants and there are more on the way that I've ordered online. Thank goodness flowy tops are in right now because all my shirts still fit for the most part.
Milestone: Got a clean bill of health on her at our 20-week anatomy scan. Praise God! We do know she's going to likely be tall (long femur measurement) and she has my feet! :)
Your prayers are always appreciated for continued protection over her as she cooks away, and also for us - for our peace of mind and for me to continue to be healthy for her.
So here's what she (and I) have been up to since our last post:
Weeks: 24
Size: An eggplant from head to rump!
Sleep: Sleep? Ha! I get it if I take a Benadryl first. But even then it's not constant. Mainly becuase of the awesome heartburn that plagues me at night!
Feeling: Flutters, no more. Now I feel bumps and thumps! They're so sweet!!! I didn't know what they were at first, but now there's no doubt. She's quite active! I do have an anterior placenta, which keeps me from feeling as much movement as other mamas, but I know she's in there now!
Also, and this is TMI, but "lightning crotch" started yesterday. Freaked me out! Don't know what that is? Be glad - and just Google it! :)
Showing: Oh, yeah! It's a LOT bigger in the afternoon/evening than the morning but there's no buttoning pre-pregnancy clothes anymore. I have 2 pairs of maternity pants and there are more on the way that I've ordered online. Thank goodness flowy tops are in right now because all my shirts still fit for the most part.
Milestone: Got a clean bill of health on her at our 20-week anatomy scan. Praise God! We do know she's going to likely be tall (long femur measurement) and she has my feet! :)
Your prayers are always appreciated for continued protection over her as she cooks away, and also for us - for our peace of mind and for me to continue to be healthy for her.
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
19 Weeks...I'm so behind!
The title says it all. I'm so behind...behind on EVERYTHING! We have not purchased anything. I take that back...we've purchased 2 outfits and 1 pack of diapers. That's it. We haven't painted. We haven't purchased bedding. We haven't purchased a crib. We haven't refinished the furniture we're using. We haven't registered. I can feel my BP rising just typing it all out. Oh my gosh!!!
And since I already made it Facebook official, I'll go ahead and ad that...
Holy cow! You read that right! You should have seen both of our faces when the tech told us at 15 weeks that what we had been told at 12 weeks by Dr. G (he's someone I was seeing for a 1st and 2nd trimester screening), which was a boy, was wrong. Especially poor Hubs. His jaw about hit the floor. He was excited, but shell shocked to say the least. So we're trucking along, planning for Baby Girl to make her debut in (eeeek!!!) less than 5 months.
Here's where we are:
Weeks: 19 (plus 2 days)
Size: A mango from crown to rump. And hopefully just as sweet!
Sleep: Still struggling with side sleeping. I hate it. I wake up 10 times per night because the arm of whichever side I'm sleeping on has gone totally numb.
Feeling: Movement! I finally felt the "flutter" on Friday night. Just propped up in bed watching some TV before going to sleep and I felt a tickle. I muted the TV for a sec to be sure and there it was again! A light tickle right where her feet had been the day before. It was incredible! I don't feel her often, but every once in a while I get that little flutter feeling and just grin. :)
Showing: I officially "popped"! I woke up Saturday morning just shy of the 19 weeks mark and couldn't button my pants for the first time. When I looked in the mirror, there it was. A sweet little bump. Still not in maternity clothes, but I feel like that will have to change in the next week. I'm getting by on maxi skirts and dresses right now.
Milestone: Announced the gender after the fourth confirmation. Yes, four. I guess I just didn't believe it.
I continue to just be in awe of God's grace and abundance in this experience. He has blessed us beyond our comprehension. If you will join us, we've been praying specifically for a good anatomy scan on August 26th and also for continued help in managing my blood pressure without medication. Preeclampsia is my biggest fear in all this. So join us in continuing to pray for a healthy babe and healthy mama!
And since I already made it Facebook official, I'll go ahead and ad that...
Here's where we are:
Weeks: 19 (plus 2 days)
Size: A mango from crown to rump. And hopefully just as sweet!
Sleep: Still struggling with side sleeping. I hate it. I wake up 10 times per night because the arm of whichever side I'm sleeping on has gone totally numb.
Feeling: Movement! I finally felt the "flutter" on Friday night. Just propped up in bed watching some TV before going to sleep and I felt a tickle. I muted the TV for a sec to be sure and there it was again! A light tickle right where her feet had been the day before. It was incredible! I don't feel her often, but every once in a while I get that little flutter feeling and just grin. :)
Showing: I officially "popped"! I woke up Saturday morning just shy of the 19 weeks mark and couldn't button my pants for the first time. When I looked in the mirror, there it was. A sweet little bump. Still not in maternity clothes, but I feel like that will have to change in the next week. I'm getting by on maxi skirts and dresses right now.
Milestone: Announced the gender after the fourth confirmation. Yes, four. I guess I just didn't believe it.
I continue to just be in awe of God's grace and abundance in this experience. He has blessed us beyond our comprehension. If you will join us, we've been praying specifically for a good anatomy scan on August 26th and also for continued help in managing my blood pressure without medication. Preeclampsia is my biggest fear in all this. So join us in continuing to pray for a healthy babe and healthy mama!
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
16 Week Update
We hit the 16 week mark this week - exciting! Here's what we have:
Weeks: 16
Size: An avocado from crown to rump (that's head to butt), which is weird, because this is the same size my other app said last week. But everyone has said the Baby Center one is the most accurate.
Sleep: I CANNOT sleep on my back, which means I CANNOT sleep! This side thing is hard for me and the pillow behind me doesn't work. I just toss it out in the middle of the night.
Feeling: Wonderful! Love the 2nd Trimester!
Showing: Not even a little. All my pre-pregnancy pants and clothes fit fine. The only thing is when I press down on my lower abdomen it is noticeably firmer. Everyone has told me between now and 20 weeks, I'll just "pop".
Milestone: Convinced Jay to let me do another ultrasound this week to try and confirm gender. It was at an ultrasound boutique and was pricey! But the tech saw the same gender as we did at 15 weeks, so we're feeling confident in what they saw. Waiting for 20 weeks to announce it so we're positive!
Please continue to pray with us for a continued healthy pregnancy and healthy, sweet little baby!
I leave you with what I consider one of the sweetest pictures we've had yet...tiny baby feet! Love them! Can't wait to kiss those sweet feet!
Weeks: 16
Size: An avocado from crown to rump (that's head to butt), which is weird, because this is the same size my other app said last week. But everyone has said the Baby Center one is the most accurate.
Sleep: I CANNOT sleep on my back, which means I CANNOT sleep! This side thing is hard for me and the pillow behind me doesn't work. I just toss it out in the middle of the night.
Feeling: Wonderful! Love the 2nd Trimester!
Showing: Not even a little. All my pre-pregnancy pants and clothes fit fine. The only thing is when I press down on my lower abdomen it is noticeably firmer. Everyone has told me between now and 20 weeks, I'll just "pop".
Milestone: Convinced Jay to let me do another ultrasound this week to try and confirm gender. It was at an ultrasound boutique and was pricey! But the tech saw the same gender as we did at 15 weeks, so we're feeling confident in what they saw. Waiting for 20 weeks to announce it so we're positive!
Please continue to pray with us for a continued healthy pregnancy and healthy, sweet little baby!
I leave you with what I consider one of the sweetest pictures we've had yet...tiny baby feet! Love them! Can't wait to kiss those sweet feet!
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
BIG News!
Today is the day! We find out if this round of IUI produced a healthy pregnancy or not. I am writing this post on the day of the test - Monday, 5/5/14. But it is on a timer not to post until July 22nd. Because this blog is also a diary of sorts and I want to have a log of all my feelings and results, but I also am cautious and know people may read this and we don't want anyone knowing the results too soon in case there are complications. And July 22nd is the date we intend to go public on social media. So if you're reading this before our intended July 22nd posting date, then things have not turned out as we had hoped, but we still want to share our journey and feelings...
I'm nervous, hopeful, and scared to death. I had my blood draw at 7:45 this morning and we hope to hear by 3:30 today. Longest...hours...ever... I'll be honest. I cheated this morning and peed on a stick. A very, very, very faint line appeared. I mean - VERY faint! But it was there. But the fact that it was so light is what makes me even more nervous. That it could be an ectopic or a miscarriage. Those are my biggest fears... I've said this before. I can handle a clear negative result better than I can another ectopic and/or miscarriage. God has His hand in this - that we know!
UPDATE 5/5/14: I got the call I was dreading. My beta HCG numbers were 9.8, which is positive. But that is also very, very, very low. So we're in that state of "limbo" I feared. Will return this Thursday for a recheck, but I'm feeling down about it. God has this - this we know - but the anxiety of not knowing anything definite is still there.
UPDATE 5/8/14: It has been 3 days since our first beta blood test. Today was a recheck to see if the numbers doubled (they should double every 48-72 hours). It has been 72 hours since my last check and the numbers did more than double - they went up by almost 5 times. They are 48.4 right now. We serve a mighty God who has His hand in this. We find comfort and peace in that knowledge. Even though I'm still nervous, and still anxious, I have more of a peace about me. That comes from nowhere but Christ. I have doubted and fallen, but He has not left me. I am nowhere near willing to get excited or happy about this...we've been through too much. But I will find the peace that passes all understanding for the next week. My next check is 5/15.
UPDATE 5/13/14: I haven't updated in a few days. I guess because nothing has changed. We're having to live our life, day-to-day with this "unknowing" upon us. I've managed to stay busy, keeping my mind off it all as much as possible, and also I've stayed relatively calm. I'm not exactly sure why - it could be that I'm "pessimistically realistic" (yes, that's a phrase I just made up!) about this and refuse to believe that this pregnancy will end up healthy and successful in the end so I'm not expecting good news anyway. But I want to think it is because I have let go and decided that at this point, there is absolutely nothing I can do, so I have to let God guide me on this one. I think I am experiencing the "peace that passes all understanding". Don't get me wrong - I'm still scared of what Thursday's outcome will be - but I also have to know that we have done everything we could to make this pregnancy healthy and successful. But it's really been up to God this whole time. And we have to be at peace with that...there's really no other way to be. Additionally, we have been dealing with the heartbreak of Jay's grandmother. After a long time of physical discomfort from her falls and surgeries, to mental confusion from her dementia, she took a drastic turn following a fall and subsequent surgery on May 2nd. Her life is slowly coming to a sudden end, and it is difficult for all. It is difficult for his mom, seeing her own mother like this; it is difficult for Jay seeing his precious grandmother at the end; and it is difficult for me to see both of them so upset. It could be a few more days, it could be a week, but we continue to just not know. As with everything...the not knowing is the hardest part...
UPDATE 5/15/14: It is with heavy heart that I am writing that Jay's precious grandmother passed away this morning. But we can feel relief in knowing she has no pain, no confusion, with a perfect body and mind celebrating in Heaven with the Lord! As Christians, we know death is not the end because Jesus conquered the grave!
But with sadness, we can also find JOY! And our joy right now is that my beta HCG numbers went up to 889.6! YES!!! This is the highest I have ever seen them. With our ectopic pregnancy and miscarriage, they never got over 450. So I am feeling infinitely better this time around. We are not out of the woods yet, though. My first ultra sound appointment, which will be the REAL test, is a week from today - 5/22. We'll know for sure then if this is a viable pregnancy! We serve an AWESOME and MOST HOLY GOD who has a plan laid out for us. Trusting His path is hard and painful sometimes, but He is faithful. I am in awe at His timing. Even though we still have some fear about another loss, God has this. We will be joyful no matter what. But for now - we're EXCITED!
UPDATE 5/20/14: Based on pregnancy dating, I am 6 weeks pregnant today. But our ultrasound isn't until Thursday. The waiting is excruciating. How in the world am I supposed to wait another 2 days? I have had days where I feel like there's no doubt I'm pregnant. Other days feel like a normal day. Yesterday was one of those days where it felt like a normal day. I wasn't overly tired, nothing seemed odd. But Sunday was one of those days where I just "felt" pregnant. After sleeping 10 sound hours Saturday night we went to church and lunch. I came home and had a long, 2.5 hour nap. Then went right back to sleep at 9:30 and didn't move until 6:30 the next morning. I've had no nausea, but have had these kind of cramping sensations on and off since a week after the IUI. Lately, they have become a little more intense than before. Nothing that has been worth calling the doctor over, but still noticeable. Of course, these pinching cramps are what I experienced with our ectopic, which does have me concerned. But we'll know soon enough on Thursday. I just keep praying that God's will be done and that He help me accept what is going to happen and be joyful and thankful no matter what!
UPDATE 5/22/14: GOD IS FAITHFUL AND AMAZING!!!!!! We have a tiny little baby with a heartbeat! Today we saw the little miracle just pumping away for the first time. I'll be honest. I burst into tears of joy. We serve an incredible God who knows our every fiber of being. He knew back in December/January that the timing wasn't right for us. He knew we needed 3 months to be forced to wait. I went through anger and anxiety back in January. I was hurt and confused as to why we had to suffer. I questioned God. I was wrong. We are overwhelmed by God's blessings. We are in no way out of the woods yet, but we crossed a major hurdle today in that 1) it was not in my tube and 2) it has a heartbeat already! We will continue to be monitored at ART through 10 weeks. Between 11 and 13 weeks, we'll have a first trimester screening. Our major concern right now is getting my blood pressure down. It has been pretty high - I'm not sure yet if it's from my nerves, or from an actual issue, but we're not going to chance it. I'll see my regular doctor today and we'll lay out a plan from there. We continue to pray for God's continued blessings and guidance through this! We have pure JOY right now! Here's our little jelly bean's first photo:
UPDATE 5/29/14: What a week! It's been like a dream mostly... We saw the precious babe snuggled up in there this morning with the heartbeat still just fluttering away. And he's grown (I'm calling it a he for now because I hate the word "it") to .86 cm and measuring 6w6d (6 weeks, 6 days). This puts our due date at January 16th - just 7.5 months away. Wow! Everything looked really good and my NP, Nancy, was just thrilled for us. I started medication (methyldopa) last week for blood pressure. Good news today - it was down to 128/78 and we're confident it was just elevated a little because I was at the doctor's office. So we're thrilled! Still a little cautious, but excited! We know God will continue to light our path as we continue on our journey. We're so thankful that He has allowed us to experience this and we will continue to thank Him and ask His blessings for a safe pregnancy and healthy baby. Our next appointment is next Thursday. Here's our photo from today. I can definitely see growth!
UPDATE 6/5/14: Every day I'm in awe of this journey we have been allowed to go on. God is so amazing and I find myself daily thinking I am so unworthy of His blessings. But so incredibly thankful of this life that I am allowed to take care of. A life that He is knitting together perfectly in me. I'm still just absolutely amazed that there is another heart beating inside me. Incredible! The miracle of life is truly that...a miracle. We continue to pray daily for a healthy babe. We have our First Trimester Screening scheduled for July 3. I am hopeful that we will be able to determine the gender. Keeping our fingers crossed! Today we measured 1.89 cm from head to rump, which is on track for 8w3d (8 weeks 3 days). We see arm buds starting to appear. And we finally got to HEAR the sweet heartbeat! It was racing along at 176 beats per minute. Wow!!! We've started numerous nicknames: the nugget, the Webblet, the gummy bear. Here's today's photo - what a difference a week makes!
UPDATE 6/12/14: I can't believe we're already at 9 weeks. When they say the time flies - it flies! It's hard to remember how over 5 weeks ago we got the call that our beta numbers were very low and we were mentally preparing ourselves for another ectopic pregnancy. We relied on God to carry us through those first few weeks of the unknown. And carry us He did. I still have a hard time fathoming His sovereignty in everything. And to know He has never faltered and never left me, even when I hit low points and was frustrated and asked why. He continued to knit this little life together inside me all the while, forcing me to be patient. Forcing me to cry out to Him. I have still have fears...fears something will be discovered at the First Trimester Screening, fears I won't carry to term, fears for my own health, fears for the financial responsibility of a child...and hundreds more! But my faith will sustain me. And I'm so thankful that I get to see this precious life every week right now. Next Tuesday, 6/17, will be my last day at ART and a bittersweet one at that. But today...today we got to see the precious babe again and hear that sweet heartbeat again! It was 190 - whoa mama! Hopefully that's the highest it gets... And here's our photo of the week!
And I wanted to do a progression picture to see the growth! Here it is:
UPDATE 6/17/14: It was a bittersweet day today. It was our release day from the ART Program of Alabama and the sweet ladies who cried with us when we received devastating news in January and cried tears of joy with us in May when we saw our sweet baby's heartbeat for the first time. I am forever thankful for Ms. Nancy, Ms. Terry and Ms. Mary and all of their support and love. They are one-of-a-kind. It was hard to tell them goodbye, but I assured them I would pop in from time-to-time and they got me into a big ball of tears when they showed me the little spot on their bulletin board they had made for OUR baby's picture. Wow!!! But it was exciting to know that things are going well enough to release us to my ObGyn. We have our first appointment with her in a week on 6/24 and then our First Trimester Screening is July 3. I am probably most nervous for the First Tri Screening. Just worried that problems will be found. But our God is bigger than that and my trust and faith relies in Him and this journey He already has us on. His plans for us were set in motion before we were even born. I prayed during all of our treatments that God would just bless us with a healthy baby. I didn't care about gender, I just wanted a healthy baby. One we could love and cherish and raise to love the Lord. As we watch our dream come true, I can't help but be emotional and overwhelmed... As this post gets a mere 3 weeks from posting, we just pray God continues to light our path and lead us. Here is this week's picture. Seeing him kick and move around was surreal and amazing!!!
UPDATE 6/24/14: Today was our first appointment with my OB. For some reason, I still get nervous for an ultrasound...like I don't believe he/she is really in there! But there he was...kicking and squirming away! Everything looked perfect, which was a relief! She even let us "sneak a peek" using 3D ultrasound, which was crazy! That picture is the one below. Of course I was so overwhelmed with the whole 2 hours appointment that I forgot to ask about when I can stop the Progesterone. Yes, I'm still taking those pesky things 3 times a day! It really is a pain...all you have had to do them understand...especially since the pills aren't oral! Eeek! I'm not complaining...but I'll be excited when that phase is over! We'll go every 4 weeks through the 2nd trimester, then every 2 weeks until we hit 36 weeks, where we'll go every week. It's hard to believe this appointment was at 11 weeks...the time really is flying by! Our next appointment is July 3 for the First Trimester Screening...then we won't see the Nugget until July 22nd! What am I going to do?!?! I'm of course nervous and anxious about the screen...wanting everything to be OK and there not to be any markers of a problem. Of course, there are both false positives and false negatives with these things, but hopefully it will put my nervous mind at ease... Will update on the 3rd!
UPDATE 7/8/14: So since we're out of the "lots of ultrasounds" phase, I'll probably just be making weekly posts about what's going on, what size the baby is, any cravings, exciting milestones, etc. Of course, after July 22nd, they will each be in their own post! :) So here we are now:
Weeks: 13 (last week of First Trimester - holy cow!)
•
Size: According to one app, the length of a green bean; the other says a jalapeno.
•
Sleep: I wake up a lot to go to the bathroom. I used to NEVER wake up in the middle of the night, and now it's 2-3 times minimum. And I'm having a hard time sleeping on my side. I prefer my back, but since that's a no-no, I'm sleeping on my stomach since it's still comfortable.
•
Feeling: Still no sickness! Never got sick - nauseous a few times, but never threw up. Fatigue is definitely getting better. I still like a nap on the weekends and I'm ready for bed by 9:00 or 9:30, but the overwhelming exhaustion seems to have passed.
•
Showing: Nope! Not even a little bit! Although I'm definitely bloated, which just makes my stomach look fat. Ha!
•
Milestone: Set up a Babies R Us registry will some gender neutral basics.
UPDATE 7/22/14: I haven't updated in two weeks!! A beach vacation happened in there, which was wonderful! We saw our sweet baby again today. This is the last time we'll see him/her until 20 weeks! That's 5 weeks away! I may have to cheat and go to an ultrasound boutique and pay and dumb amount of money... We did an early gender scan today and it was completely opposite of what the guess was at the 12-week 1st Tri Screen. We were SHOCKED to say the least! We weren't really wishing for any one gender, but after finding out July 3rd, that's where our brains have been...on that one track. This was a different ultrasound tech, but she got about 10 different angles and each one showed the same thing...we'll wait and reveal when we know for SURE. Here's our update:
Weeks: 15
Size: An avocado from crown to rump (that's head to butt)
Sleep: Still going to the bathroom a lot...2-3 times/night. And now that I'm out of the first trimester, no sleeping on my back, which is REALLY hard for me.
Feeling: Pretty great still! Happy to have a healthy, growing baby in there!
Showing: Not yet! I'm OK with that. All pre-pregnancy pants still fit and zip! :)
Milestone: Hitting the second trimester!!! And possibly knowing the gender...hopefully we'll know more soon! I just have to talk Jay into letting me spend a little moolah to check!
Now that this post is live, welcome to our world!!! We are so thankful to God for this journey. It's still hard to believe how blessed we are right now... He is good and He is faithful...all the time!
I'm nervous, hopeful, and scared to death. I had my blood draw at 7:45 this morning and we hope to hear by 3:30 today. Longest...hours...ever... I'll be honest. I cheated this morning and peed on a stick. A very, very, very faint line appeared. I mean - VERY faint! But it was there. But the fact that it was so light is what makes me even more nervous. That it could be an ectopic or a miscarriage. Those are my biggest fears... I've said this before. I can handle a clear negative result better than I can another ectopic and/or miscarriage. God has His hand in this - that we know!
UPDATE 5/5/14: I got the call I was dreading. My beta HCG numbers were 9.8, which is positive. But that is also very, very, very low. So we're in that state of "limbo" I feared. Will return this Thursday for a recheck, but I'm feeling down about it. God has this - this we know - but the anxiety of not knowing anything definite is still there.
UPDATE 5/8/14: It has been 3 days since our first beta blood test. Today was a recheck to see if the numbers doubled (they should double every 48-72 hours). It has been 72 hours since my last check and the numbers did more than double - they went up by almost 5 times. They are 48.4 right now. We serve a mighty God who has His hand in this. We find comfort and peace in that knowledge. Even though I'm still nervous, and still anxious, I have more of a peace about me. That comes from nowhere but Christ. I have doubted and fallen, but He has not left me. I am nowhere near willing to get excited or happy about this...we've been through too much. But I will find the peace that passes all understanding for the next week. My next check is 5/15.
UPDATE 5/13/14: I haven't updated in a few days. I guess because nothing has changed. We're having to live our life, day-to-day with this "unknowing" upon us. I've managed to stay busy, keeping my mind off it all as much as possible, and also I've stayed relatively calm. I'm not exactly sure why - it could be that I'm "pessimistically realistic" (yes, that's a phrase I just made up!) about this and refuse to believe that this pregnancy will end up healthy and successful in the end so I'm not expecting good news anyway. But I want to think it is because I have let go and decided that at this point, there is absolutely nothing I can do, so I have to let God guide me on this one. I think I am experiencing the "peace that passes all understanding". Don't get me wrong - I'm still scared of what Thursday's outcome will be - but I also have to know that we have done everything we could to make this pregnancy healthy and successful. But it's really been up to God this whole time. And we have to be at peace with that...there's really no other way to be. Additionally, we have been dealing with the heartbreak of Jay's grandmother. After a long time of physical discomfort from her falls and surgeries, to mental confusion from her dementia, she took a drastic turn following a fall and subsequent surgery on May 2nd. Her life is slowly coming to a sudden end, and it is difficult for all. It is difficult for his mom, seeing her own mother like this; it is difficult for Jay seeing his precious grandmother at the end; and it is difficult for me to see both of them so upset. It could be a few more days, it could be a week, but we continue to just not know. As with everything...the not knowing is the hardest part...
UPDATE 5/15/14: It is with heavy heart that I am writing that Jay's precious grandmother passed away this morning. But we can feel relief in knowing she has no pain, no confusion, with a perfect body and mind celebrating in Heaven with the Lord! As Christians, we know death is not the end because Jesus conquered the grave!
But with sadness, we can also find JOY! And our joy right now is that my beta HCG numbers went up to 889.6! YES!!! This is the highest I have ever seen them. With our ectopic pregnancy and miscarriage, they never got over 450. So I am feeling infinitely better this time around. We are not out of the woods yet, though. My first ultra sound appointment, which will be the REAL test, is a week from today - 5/22. We'll know for sure then if this is a viable pregnancy! We serve an AWESOME and MOST HOLY GOD who has a plan laid out for us. Trusting His path is hard and painful sometimes, but He is faithful. I am in awe at His timing. Even though we still have some fear about another loss, God has this. We will be joyful no matter what. But for now - we're EXCITED!
UPDATE 5/20/14: Based on pregnancy dating, I am 6 weeks pregnant today. But our ultrasound isn't until Thursday. The waiting is excruciating. How in the world am I supposed to wait another 2 days? I have had days where I feel like there's no doubt I'm pregnant. Other days feel like a normal day. Yesterday was one of those days where it felt like a normal day. I wasn't overly tired, nothing seemed odd. But Sunday was one of those days where I just "felt" pregnant. After sleeping 10 sound hours Saturday night we went to church and lunch. I came home and had a long, 2.5 hour nap. Then went right back to sleep at 9:30 and didn't move until 6:30 the next morning. I've had no nausea, but have had these kind of cramping sensations on and off since a week after the IUI. Lately, they have become a little more intense than before. Nothing that has been worth calling the doctor over, but still noticeable. Of course, these pinching cramps are what I experienced with our ectopic, which does have me concerned. But we'll know soon enough on Thursday. I just keep praying that God's will be done and that He help me accept what is going to happen and be joyful and thankful no matter what!
UPDATE 5/22/14: GOD IS FAITHFUL AND AMAZING!!!!!! We have a tiny little baby with a heartbeat! Today we saw the little miracle just pumping away for the first time. I'll be honest. I burst into tears of joy. We serve an incredible God who knows our every fiber of being. He knew back in December/January that the timing wasn't right for us. He knew we needed 3 months to be forced to wait. I went through anger and anxiety back in January. I was hurt and confused as to why we had to suffer. I questioned God. I was wrong. We are overwhelmed by God's blessings. We are in no way out of the woods yet, but we crossed a major hurdle today in that 1) it was not in my tube and 2) it has a heartbeat already! We will continue to be monitored at ART through 10 weeks. Between 11 and 13 weeks, we'll have a first trimester screening. Our major concern right now is getting my blood pressure down. It has been pretty high - I'm not sure yet if it's from my nerves, or from an actual issue, but we're not going to chance it. I'll see my regular doctor today and we'll lay out a plan from there. We continue to pray for God's continued blessings and guidance through this! We have pure JOY right now! Here's our little jelly bean's first photo:
UPDATE 5/29/14: What a week! It's been like a dream mostly... We saw the precious babe snuggled up in there this morning with the heartbeat still just fluttering away. And he's grown (I'm calling it a he for now because I hate the word "it") to .86 cm and measuring 6w6d (6 weeks, 6 days). This puts our due date at January 16th - just 7.5 months away. Wow! Everything looked really good and my NP, Nancy, was just thrilled for us. I started medication (methyldopa) last week for blood pressure. Good news today - it was down to 128/78 and we're confident it was just elevated a little because I was at the doctor's office. So we're thrilled! Still a little cautious, but excited! We know God will continue to light our path as we continue on our journey. We're so thankful that He has allowed us to experience this and we will continue to thank Him and ask His blessings for a safe pregnancy and healthy baby. Our next appointment is next Thursday. Here's our photo from today. I can definitely see growth!
UPDATE 6/5/14: Every day I'm in awe of this journey we have been allowed to go on. God is so amazing and I find myself daily thinking I am so unworthy of His blessings. But so incredibly thankful of this life that I am allowed to take care of. A life that He is knitting together perfectly in me. I'm still just absolutely amazed that there is another heart beating inside me. Incredible! The miracle of life is truly that...a miracle. We continue to pray daily for a healthy babe. We have our First Trimester Screening scheduled for July 3. I am hopeful that we will be able to determine the gender. Keeping our fingers crossed! Today we measured 1.89 cm from head to rump, which is on track for 8w3d (8 weeks 3 days). We see arm buds starting to appear. And we finally got to HEAR the sweet heartbeat! It was racing along at 176 beats per minute. Wow!!! We've started numerous nicknames: the nugget, the Webblet, the gummy bear. Here's today's photo - what a difference a week makes!
UPDATE 6/12/14: I can't believe we're already at 9 weeks. When they say the time flies - it flies! It's hard to remember how over 5 weeks ago we got the call that our beta numbers were very low and we were mentally preparing ourselves for another ectopic pregnancy. We relied on God to carry us through those first few weeks of the unknown. And carry us He did. I still have a hard time fathoming His sovereignty in everything. And to know He has never faltered and never left me, even when I hit low points and was frustrated and asked why. He continued to knit this little life together inside me all the while, forcing me to be patient. Forcing me to cry out to Him. I have still have fears...fears something will be discovered at the First Trimester Screening, fears I won't carry to term, fears for my own health, fears for the financial responsibility of a child...and hundreds more! But my faith will sustain me. And I'm so thankful that I get to see this precious life every week right now. Next Tuesday, 6/17, will be my last day at ART and a bittersweet one at that. But today...today we got to see the precious babe again and hear that sweet heartbeat again! It was 190 - whoa mama! Hopefully that's the highest it gets... And here's our photo of the week!
UPDATE 6/17/14: It was a bittersweet day today. It was our release day from the ART Program of Alabama and the sweet ladies who cried with us when we received devastating news in January and cried tears of joy with us in May when we saw our sweet baby's heartbeat for the first time. I am forever thankful for Ms. Nancy, Ms. Terry and Ms. Mary and all of their support and love. They are one-of-a-kind. It was hard to tell them goodbye, but I assured them I would pop in from time-to-time and they got me into a big ball of tears when they showed me the little spot on their bulletin board they had made for OUR baby's picture. Wow!!! But it was exciting to know that things are going well enough to release us to my ObGyn. We have our first appointment with her in a week on 6/24 and then our First Trimester Screening is July 3. I am probably most nervous for the First Tri Screening. Just worried that problems will be found. But our God is bigger than that and my trust and faith relies in Him and this journey He already has us on. His plans for us were set in motion before we were even born. I prayed during all of our treatments that God would just bless us with a healthy baby. I didn't care about gender, I just wanted a healthy baby. One we could love and cherish and raise to love the Lord. As we watch our dream come true, I can't help but be emotional and overwhelmed... As this post gets a mere 3 weeks from posting, we just pray God continues to light our path and lead us. Here is this week's picture. Seeing him kick and move around was surreal and amazing!!!
UPDATE 6/24/14: Today was our first appointment with my OB. For some reason, I still get nervous for an ultrasound...like I don't believe he/she is really in there! But there he was...kicking and squirming away! Everything looked perfect, which was a relief! She even let us "sneak a peek" using 3D ultrasound, which was crazy! That picture is the one below. Of course I was so overwhelmed with the whole 2 hours appointment that I forgot to ask about when I can stop the Progesterone. Yes, I'm still taking those pesky things 3 times a day! It really is a pain...all you have had to do them understand...especially since the pills aren't oral! Eeek! I'm not complaining...but I'll be excited when that phase is over! We'll go every 4 weeks through the 2nd trimester, then every 2 weeks until we hit 36 weeks, where we'll go every week. It's hard to believe this appointment was at 11 weeks...the time really is flying by! Our next appointment is July 3 for the First Trimester Screening...then we won't see the Nugget until July 22nd! What am I going to do?!?! I'm of course nervous and anxious about the screen...wanting everything to be OK and there not to be any markers of a problem. Of course, there are both false positives and false negatives with these things, but hopefully it will put my nervous mind at ease... Will update on the 3rd!
UPDATE 7/3/14: I was nervous as a cat for this screening! I think I had spent too much time on the internet and had freaked myself out. We know there are always false negatives along with false positives, but we are breathing a sigh of relief and thanking the Lord that everything looked normal on ultrasound! All the measurements, blood flow to the heart, etc. looked wonderful. I chastised myself for not having full, 100% faith and trust in God. He makes no mistakes and is hard at work piecing together a sweet baby. My mom got to go with us to this appointment, which was wonderful! She loved seeing the Nugget squirming away on the screen. We finally have what looks like baby now (and not an alien)! With a sweet profile and everything. I can't wait to kiss that sweet little nose!!! We also found out the gender at this appointment. Even though we are only 12 weeks, she was 80% positive. Since there's still a little 20% chance she's wrong, we aren't going public with that news just yet! We just continue to pray everything progresses as it should and everyone stays healthy. Praise the Lord for all of it!
Weeks: 13 (last week of First Trimester - holy cow!)
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Size: According to one app, the length of a green bean; the other says a jalapeno.
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Sleep: I wake up a lot to go to the bathroom. I used to NEVER wake up in the middle of the night, and now it's 2-3 times minimum. And I'm having a hard time sleeping on my side. I prefer my back, but since that's a no-no, I'm sleeping on my stomach since it's still comfortable.
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Feeling: Still no sickness! Never got sick - nauseous a few times, but never threw up. Fatigue is definitely getting better. I still like a nap on the weekends and I'm ready for bed by 9:00 or 9:30, but the overwhelming exhaustion seems to have passed.
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Showing: Nope! Not even a little bit! Although I'm definitely bloated, which just makes my stomach look fat. Ha!
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Milestone: Set up a Babies R Us registry will some gender neutral basics.
UPDATE 7/22/14: I haven't updated in two weeks!! A beach vacation happened in there, which was wonderful! We saw our sweet baby again today. This is the last time we'll see him/her until 20 weeks! That's 5 weeks away! I may have to cheat and go to an ultrasound boutique and pay and dumb amount of money... We did an early gender scan today and it was completely opposite of what the guess was at the 12-week 1st Tri Screen. We were SHOCKED to say the least! We weren't really wishing for any one gender, but after finding out July 3rd, that's where our brains have been...on that one track. This was a different ultrasound tech, but she got about 10 different angles and each one showed the same thing...we'll wait and reveal when we know for SURE. Here's our update:
Weeks: 15
Size: An avocado from crown to rump (that's head to butt)
Sleep: Still going to the bathroom a lot...2-3 times/night. And now that I'm out of the first trimester, no sleeping on my back, which is REALLY hard for me.
Feeling: Pretty great still! Happy to have a healthy, growing baby in there!
Showing: Not yet! I'm OK with that. All pre-pregnancy pants still fit and zip! :)
Milestone: Hitting the second trimester!!! And possibly knowing the gender...hopefully we'll know more soon! I just have to talk Jay into letting me spend a little moolah to check!
Now that this post is live, welcome to our world!!! We are so thankful to God for this journey. It's still hard to believe how blessed we are right now... He is good and He is faithful...all the time!
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
7DPIUI, Progesterone level check, the plan from here...
I am late getting a recent post up, but severe storms and strong tornadoes tore through our area yesterday and last night. There have been deaths reported and lots of widespread damage. Please pray for our area, areas in Mississippi and Arkansas that have all been hit so hard by these storms just 3 years to the day from the super outbreak on 4/27/2011.
I had my blood drawn yesterday morning to do a progesterone check (another hormone!). I've been doing progesterone suppositories (sorry, TMI) since this past Friday, so I was hoping for good levels. And they were! Progesterone was a 21, which is great! If you're just really curious and want to know more about this hormone and it's importance, you can read about it here.
Most importantly, we had a video conference with Dr. Honea on where we are in this cycle, and how we will proceed based on various different outcomes from the beta pregnancy test on Monday, 5/5.
I voiced to her some concerns I had in that I have been experiencing some "pinching" type pains on my left side in my pelvic area. This has me worried because the left tube is where our ectopic occurred, and this is the side we ovulated from this cycle. The chance of having another ectopic is 1 in 10 - high risk. She isn't too worried about that yet as it could be coming from several different other things too, all of which were in medical terms that I can't remember. So our plan is this:
Positive betaHCG test - YEA! Baby on the way!!!
Negative betaHCG test - Proceed with another natural cycle (non-medicated) with my right ovary
Ectopic (tubal) pregnancy - Surgery around the 2nd or 3rd week of May to remove my left tube. This scares me, but it also is OK. Because it means I won't have to take another dost of Methotrexate, which means you have to wait 3 months before trying to become pregnant again. With the surgery, we can start trying again as soon as my cycle starts.
So this is where we are. I continue to pray that if it is not in God's will for us to become pregnant this month, that we don't experience complications like we did before.
Please remember our area from the storms last night and the severe storms yet to come through today and tonight in your prayers today.
I had my blood drawn yesterday morning to do a progesterone check (another hormone!). I've been doing progesterone suppositories (sorry, TMI) since this past Friday, so I was hoping for good levels. And they were! Progesterone was a 21, which is great! If you're just really curious and want to know more about this hormone and it's importance, you can read about it here.
Most importantly, we had a video conference with Dr. Honea on where we are in this cycle, and how we will proceed based on various different outcomes from the beta pregnancy test on Monday, 5/5.
I voiced to her some concerns I had in that I have been experiencing some "pinching" type pains on my left side in my pelvic area. This has me worried because the left tube is where our ectopic occurred, and this is the side we ovulated from this cycle. The chance of having another ectopic is 1 in 10 - high risk. She isn't too worried about that yet as it could be coming from several different other things too, all of which were in medical terms that I can't remember. So our plan is this:
Positive betaHCG test - YEA! Baby on the way!!!
Negative betaHCG test - Proceed with another natural cycle (non-medicated) with my right ovary
Ectopic (tubal) pregnancy - Surgery around the 2nd or 3rd week of May to remove my left tube. This scares me, but it also is OK. Because it means I won't have to take another dost of Methotrexate, which means you have to wait 3 months before trying to become pregnant again. With the surgery, we can start trying again as soon as my cycle starts.
So this is where we are. I continue to pray that if it is not in God's will for us to become pregnant this month, that we don't experience complications like we did before.
Please remember our area from the storms last night and the severe storms yet to come through today and tonight in your prayers today.
Thursday, April 24, 2014
The Struggle
Sometimes I feel hopeless. Jealous. Frustrated. This is one of those days. I'm human, and I'm weak, and I need God's strength more than ever right now. It seems every time I turn around, someone is announcing a pregnancy. Someone else is pregnant. Someone else is getting to experience our dream. And they SHOULD! They should get to experience God's miracles! But it gets me asking...why not us? Why can't it happen for us that easy? Why do WE have to experience struggle, then heartbreak and devastation, then more struggle?
But it's not for us to question. Jay and I are on our own journey that God has laid out for us. Our own path. God NEVER promised it would be easy and he NEVER EVER promised us he wouldn't give us more than we can handle. He is allowed to test us and try us, but we cannot question Him. Our sinful nature causes us to question - but we are supposed to just trust. And let's just call it like it is - that's HARD!
I'm having one of those negative days...one of those days where I just don't feel confident that the procedure worked. I'm doubting and I'm just an all around hot mess. But that's OK. There are going to be days like this. We just have to work through them. We get to have the comfort of knowing we aren't alone. That God has promised he will never leave or forsake us. Today more than ever I feel like I need prayer.
I lean today on Joshua 1:9, which reads "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
But it's not for us to question. Jay and I are on our own journey that God has laid out for us. Our own path. God NEVER promised it would be easy and he NEVER EVER promised us he wouldn't give us more than we can handle. He is allowed to test us and try us, but we cannot question Him. Our sinful nature causes us to question - but we are supposed to just trust. And let's just call it like it is - that's HARD!
I'm having one of those negative days...one of those days where I just don't feel confident that the procedure worked. I'm doubting and I'm just an all around hot mess. But that's OK. There are going to be days like this. We just have to work through them. We get to have the comfort of knowing we aren't alone. That God has promised he will never leave or forsake us. Today more than ever I feel like I need prayer.
I lean today on Joshua 1:9, which reads "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
1 DPIUI
The post title stands for 1 Day Past IUI. That's how I'll title most of them until we know something.
The procedure was yesterday morning and I just tried to have more of a peace about it than last time. Jay and I prayed together before going in.
The NP (Nurse Practitioner) still thinks I've ovulated on the left side and that side had the most mature follicle and egg. We knew Monday that there was a little one on the right, but we can't tell if it did anything. I'm still petrified of another ectopic, but we just have to continue to pray for God's will in this and for no complications.
I got up yesterday morning and went ahead and did an ovulation test (I've been doing them since Friday). When you are doing fertility treatments, you do your OV test at night instead of the morning, but since we knew we were doing it, I went ahead and tested to see if the trigger shot had boosted my LH surge. As you can see in the pic below, it was very light - same as the night before. The top test was Monday night and middle was yesterday morning. I was a little discouraged, but they know what they're doing at the doctor's office and my blood work revealed a surge. Blood testing is always more accurate than a POAS test. Yesterday evening, though, was another story. The test had a resounding positive! YEA!!! It is the bottom test in the picture below.
I am having some mild "dull pinching" type cramping right now on my right side. This could be one of three things:
1. It is the opposite effect meaning sensations are felt on the opposite side of the body from where they are occurring. If this is the case, my mind is wandering toward I hope the egg is not implanting in my tube.
2. The right ovary is a little behind and is actually releasing an egg, which just doubles our changes of it working.
3. Absolutely nothing and my brain is playing tricks on me.
I'm hoping for Option 2!!!
Other than being tired from the HCG trigger shot and staying in bed all day yesterday, nothing else feels out of the norm. I will start the Progesterone supplements by Friday.
Next round of blood work is Monday, 4/28. This will just be to check hormone levels, particularly progesterone. Until then, prayers are always appreciated!
The procedure was yesterday morning and I just tried to have more of a peace about it than last time. Jay and I prayed together before going in.
The NP (Nurse Practitioner) still thinks I've ovulated on the left side and that side had the most mature follicle and egg. We knew Monday that there was a little one on the right, but we can't tell if it did anything. I'm still petrified of another ectopic, but we just have to continue to pray for God's will in this and for no complications.
I got up yesterday morning and went ahead and did an ovulation test (I've been doing them since Friday). When you are doing fertility treatments, you do your OV test at night instead of the morning, but since we knew we were doing it, I went ahead and tested to see if the trigger shot had boosted my LH surge. As you can see in the pic below, it was very light - same as the night before. The top test was Monday night and middle was yesterday morning. I was a little discouraged, but they know what they're doing at the doctor's office and my blood work revealed a surge. Blood testing is always more accurate than a POAS test. Yesterday evening, though, was another story. The test had a resounding positive! YEA!!! It is the bottom test in the picture below.
I am having some mild "dull pinching" type cramping right now on my right side. This could be one of three things:
1. It is the opposite effect meaning sensations are felt on the opposite side of the body from where they are occurring. If this is the case, my mind is wandering toward I hope the egg is not implanting in my tube.
2. The right ovary is a little behind and is actually releasing an egg, which just doubles our changes of it working.
3. Absolutely nothing and my brain is playing tricks on me.
I'm hoping for Option 2!!!
Other than being tired from the HCG trigger shot and staying in bed all day yesterday, nothing else feels out of the norm. I will start the Progesterone supplements by Friday.
Next round of blood work is Monday, 4/28. This will just be to check hormone levels, particularly progesterone. Until then, prayers are always appreciated!
Monday, April 21, 2014
CD 14 Update
Good afternoon!
I went for my CD 14 Ultra Sound today (that's Cycle Day 14) to check for a follicle and ovulation. Since our first ectopic occurred on my left side, I was really hoping to be ovulating from my right this time. Alas, that was not the case. A good size follicle was on my left ovary. But we are not in charge - GOD is - and we have to trust that everything will work out according to His plan. Not our own.
I have another appointment tomorrow morning to check the follicle again. If it has grown beyond the 1.7mm it was this morning, we will proceed with taking Pregnyl, which is an HCG trigger shot. Basically, this hormone will force the egg out of follicle at the right time so when we do the IUI procedure on Wednesday, the wheels will be in motion!
UPDATE - the office called this afternoon with my blood results and the IUI has been bumped up to tomorrow - Tuesday! I'm a little nervous, but trying to be excited and hopeful. We're so gun shy right now with all that has happened. But GOD is in control! We know this!!
Please pray for us this week for God's perfect plan and also pray with us that we do not have another ectopic pregnancy. That is the one thing that scares me to death in all of this. I'm not sure I can go through that emotional pain again.
We've yet to really publicize this blog, it has been more of a diary for me to get my thoughts and feelings out as we start the adventure again. But if you have happened upon it and prayed for us at any time during this, we appreciate it so much!
I'll update again tomorrow!
E
I went for my CD 14 Ultra Sound today (that's Cycle Day 14) to check for a follicle and ovulation. Since our first ectopic occurred on my left side, I was really hoping to be ovulating from my right this time. Alas, that was not the case. A good size follicle was on my left ovary. But we are not in charge - GOD is - and we have to trust that everything will work out according to His plan. Not our own.
I have another appointment tomorrow morning to check the follicle again. If it has grown beyond the 1.7mm it was this morning, we will proceed with taking Pregnyl, which is an HCG trigger shot. Basically, this hormone will force the egg out of follicle at the right time so when we do the IUI procedure on Wednesday, the wheels will be in motion!
UPDATE - the office called this afternoon with my blood results and the IUI has been bumped up to tomorrow - Tuesday! I'm a little nervous, but trying to be excited and hopeful. We're so gun shy right now with all that has happened. But GOD is in control! We know this!!
Please pray for us this week for God's perfect plan and also pray with us that we do not have another ectopic pregnancy. That is the one thing that scares me to death in all of this. I'm not sure I can go through that emotional pain again.
We've yet to really publicize this blog, it has been more of a diary for me to get my thoughts and feelings out as we start the adventure again. But if you have happened upon it and prayed for us at any time during this, we appreciate it so much!
I'll update again tomorrow!
E
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
POAS Starts Soon!
It is six days until the ultra sound that will determine if I am about to ovulate. Which means I have to start the POAS process tomorrow. That's Pee On A Stick for those not in the fertility world!
So tomorrow I will start doing an ovulation test every evening about 6:00 or 7:00. Once we notice significant color on the second line, we will schedule a "surge" appointment. The test will indicate an LH surge, which is the hormone that indicates ovulation. If this hasn't happened by Monday, we will proceed with our regularly scheduled ultra sound appointment to see if there is a follicle on my ovary. We're praying there is! Follicle = egg. So we're possibly a week away from the IUI procedure.
I am feeling a range of emotions on this cycle. Back in December for our first one, I was so naively optimistic. We hadn't been through a lot yet and I just felt confident. I was cautious, didn't drink a drop of alcohol once we were on Day 1 of the cycle, avoided all the foods you can't have (soft cheese, deli meat, etc.).
This cycle feels different. I feel weathered and beaten down by the world. I know God has a plan in this, but I can't help but be pessimistic this time around. It's what tragedy does to you, I guess. It's my own way of protecting my emotions and guarding my delicate heart this time. I allowed myself some wine last night, I ate a salad with bleu cheese today, had a hotdog last weekend.
I don't know what will happen this cycle. What I do know, is I don't think I can go through another ectopic. I can handle this cycle not working over another ectopic. I'm praying and trying desperately to stay cautiously optimistic. To rely on the strength of the Lord and not my own understanding. To know that Christ is wish us. God never promised that he wouldn't give us more than we can handle. That's not in the Bible. God DOES give us more than we can handle. He tests us, strengthens us, and I know He wept with us over our loss in January. We have a sweet, precious life waiting for us in Heaven when we get there. Christ died for our sins, but we're still a fallen creation. There is still sin in the world.
Prayers are felt when we feel our weakest. And we appreciate it so much! Our future is bright, but unknown. And for now, we have to be OK with that...
So tomorrow I will start doing an ovulation test every evening about 6:00 or 7:00. Once we notice significant color on the second line, we will schedule a "surge" appointment. The test will indicate an LH surge, which is the hormone that indicates ovulation. If this hasn't happened by Monday, we will proceed with our regularly scheduled ultra sound appointment to see if there is a follicle on my ovary. We're praying there is! Follicle = egg. So we're possibly a week away from the IUI procedure.
I am feeling a range of emotions on this cycle. Back in December for our first one, I was so naively optimistic. We hadn't been through a lot yet and I just felt confident. I was cautious, didn't drink a drop of alcohol once we were on Day 1 of the cycle, avoided all the foods you can't have (soft cheese, deli meat, etc.).
This cycle feels different. I feel weathered and beaten down by the world. I know God has a plan in this, but I can't help but be pessimistic this time around. It's what tragedy does to you, I guess. It's my own way of protecting my emotions and guarding my delicate heart this time. I allowed myself some wine last night, I ate a salad with bleu cheese today, had a hotdog last weekend.
I don't know what will happen this cycle. What I do know, is I don't think I can go through another ectopic. I can handle this cycle not working over another ectopic. I'm praying and trying desperately to stay cautiously optimistic. To rely on the strength of the Lord and not my own understanding. To know that Christ is wish us. God never promised that he wouldn't give us more than we can handle. That's not in the Bible. God DOES give us more than we can handle. He tests us, strengthens us, and I know He wept with us over our loss in January. We have a sweet, precious life waiting for us in Heaven when we get there. Christ died for our sins, but we're still a fallen creation. There is still sin in the world.
Prayers are felt when we feel our weakest. And we appreciate it so much! Our future is bright, but unknown. And for now, we have to be OK with that...
Friday, April 11, 2014
A New Cycle Starts...
Yesterday started a new cycle for us on our quest for a precious babe. You know, it's funny, I used to care so much if it was a boy or girl; now I just want a healthy baby. I used to care that it had blonde curly hair; now I just want a healthy baby. I could go on-and-on.
My estrogen and FSH hormones were right on track, which is good. We're going to proceed with a natural cycle again this time, which means no drugs. The most common is Clomid, which most people have heard of. I ovulate well on my own, but it never hurts to stimulate egg production a little.
I'm not sure how many cysts were on my ovaries because I forgot to ask during the Ultrasound. My cycle in December I think I had 10-11 per ovary, which is borderline PCOS. If you aren't familiar with PCOS, it is EXTREMELY common and hereditary. My little sister is already exhibiting signs of it and she's only 24. You can read more about it here.
My emotions are wavering...right now I feel like it's a fresh start and we're on the path, the next minute I'm emotional and feeling hopeless like this will never happen for us. I know there are plenty of people out there who have struggled longer or had more losses, but I've learned in all this not to compare your situation with someone else's. The pain and exasperation we feel now is ours and it's real.
SIDE NOTE: I'm going to give you a piece of advice right now! If you've never struggled with the embarrassment and anxiety of infertility then you have no idea how a woman going through it feels. The WORST thing in the world you can say to her is, "Just relax! It will happen when you just relax!" Really? Because I'm going to relax my foot right up your @$$ if you say that again! If it would happen when I was just "relaxed", it would have happened during the two years before we actively started trying when we were off birth control and not even really thinking about it. It is seriously so offensive.
My prayers today have been for peace and calmness about everything. To just go along and be happy for the opportunities we have in front of us. And to let this serve as my journal throughout this emotional adventure!
-E
My estrogen and FSH hormones were right on track, which is good. We're going to proceed with a natural cycle again this time, which means no drugs. The most common is Clomid, which most people have heard of. I ovulate well on my own, but it never hurts to stimulate egg production a little.
I'm not sure how many cysts were on my ovaries because I forgot to ask during the Ultrasound. My cycle in December I think I had 10-11 per ovary, which is borderline PCOS. If you aren't familiar with PCOS, it is EXTREMELY common and hereditary. My little sister is already exhibiting signs of it and she's only 24. You can read more about it here.
My emotions are wavering...right now I feel like it's a fresh start and we're on the path, the next minute I'm emotional and feeling hopeless like this will never happen for us. I know there are plenty of people out there who have struggled longer or had more losses, but I've learned in all this not to compare your situation with someone else's. The pain and exasperation we feel now is ours and it's real.
SIDE NOTE: I'm going to give you a piece of advice right now! If you've never struggled with the embarrassment and anxiety of infertility then you have no idea how a woman going through it feels. The WORST thing in the world you can say to her is, "Just relax! It will happen when you just relax!" Really? Because I'm going to relax my foot right up your @$$ if you say that again! If it would happen when I was just "relaxed", it would have happened during the two years before we actively started trying when we were off birth control and not even really thinking about it. It is seriously so offensive.
My prayers today have been for peace and calmness about everything. To just go along and be happy for the opportunities we have in front of us. And to let this serve as my journal throughout this emotional adventure!
-E
Our Story...
In April of 2006, an outgoing girl (me) met a tall, quiet, really cute blonde boy (J) at the rest of history. After 2 years of dating, traveling, and fun, he finally asked me to be his wife on February 21, 2008. A whirlwind 6 months later and we were married!
Life was wonderful, and time marched on. In the course of the next 5 years, time marched on and we loved our little life together - Alabama (the good side)/Auburn (his side) rivalry aside!
In early 2013, we decided it was time to expand our family and we were excited, anxious and ready to start this journey into parenthood. The months passed with negative test after negative test each month. With age not on our side anymore (I was 30, he was 33), we decided to seek help. At the recommendation of many people we knew, we decided on Dr. Honea at ART of Alabama. We knew she was a great choice the instant we met her! She's a Christian first and foremost, but she also has the knowledge of fertility issues. She performed the first successful IVF procedure in Alabama, after all! They're aggressive with women over 30, which is what we wanted.
So our first visit in November 2013 went well...our physical exams were healthy, our blood work came back good, and the genetic screening came back with no genetic issues. We were moving forward as soon as my next cycle started!
On December 5, 2013, we did our first IUI! This stands for Intrauterine Insemination and without getting too detailed, a small, thin catheter is inserted through the cervix into the uterus and the sperm is then deposited directly into the uterus instead of having to travel through the cervix, where a majority of them die in everyone.
December 18, 2013 I went for my beta test (this is beta-HCG, which is the blood pregnancy test). I wasn't expecting this to be positive because what I thought was my period had started that morning - right on time! The results of this came back at 5.1, which was confusing. A negative result is less than 5, but it isn't a positive test unless it is greater than 10. So it was neither positive or negative. They instructed me to proceed as if it were negative and we'll start a new baseline blood test for a new cycle on Monday, December 23.
On December 23, 2013, I went in for my "baseline" appointment. This means they take blood and check your estrogen and FSH numbers - these are the hormone levels they use to determine when you ovulate. They also did a trans vaginal ultra sound, which is standard - I had had MANY of these by this point. She noticed my uterine lining hadn't shed quite like it should, but assumed I just wasn't done menstruating and we moved on. Imagine my shock when they called me later that afternoon and congratulated me on being pregnant! My beta level was 122! Holy cow! They were very concerned that my progesterone level (this is the hormone that keeps you pregnant) was very low, so they started me immediately on progesterone supplements and sent me off to enjoy Christmas.
We decided to only tell our parents and sisters about it since it was 1) so early and 2) we were already dealing with complications. They were excited for sure, but we were all cautiously optimistic.
Unfortunately, on my next appointment on December 26, my beta levels had dropped to 106. They weren't ready to throw in the towel just yet...but on my December 30 lab, they had dropped even lower to the 80's. They confirmed a miscarriage, but instructed me that I would still come in for twice weekly blood tests to follow that level all the way to negative.
After seeing a huge spike in my beta levels at the following blood draw, it was confirmed that I had an ectopic pregnancy. An ectopic pregnancy is when an egg is fertilized by the sperm and an embryo is created. As Christian, we believe life is conceived at this time. However, due to reasons that are never known, the embryo implanted itself outside of the uterus. It doesn't always happen in the tube - it can occur outside the uterus, on the bladder, anywhere in the pelvic region. We are fairly confident mine happened in my tube since I presented with the symptoms of that (pinching on the side from which I had ovulated, sharp shoulder pain on the the side I had ovulated from, and heavier than normal bleeding).
They recommended a high dose of methotrexate, which is a chemotherapy drug, to dissolve the pregnancy. This was the best option in their eyes because it avoided surgery and guaranteed preservation of my left ovary and tube. But this also meant we had to go 3 months with absolutely no getting pregnant due to the harmful effects of the drug.
April 8, 2014 I finally had my third cycle start and we are back to the grind of trying.
We have gone through every range of emotion since that first appointment in November. We have felt extreme optimism and hope, excitement, anxiety, JOY, loss, grief, patience, and now fear. Fear of what is to come with this new cycle. In my darkest days, I found myself covered in grief and crying out to God asking why. Why me? Why this? Why had he forsaken me? I found myself angry and doubting His direction in my life. Then I would get angry at myself for doubting God. We know He has an infinite plan for our lives. And we hope and pray that plan includes a precious babe (or two!), but we also will accept whatever He has in store. We only ask that as you read our entries and follow our story, that you will pray with us and for us in this journey.
We continue to pray, "Lord, light our path..."
Life was wonderful, and time marched on. In the course of the next 5 years, time marched on and we loved our little life together - Alabama (the good side)/Auburn (his side) rivalry aside!
In early 2013, we decided it was time to expand our family and we were excited, anxious and ready to start this journey into parenthood. The months passed with negative test after negative test each month. With age not on our side anymore (I was 30, he was 33), we decided to seek help. At the recommendation of many people we knew, we decided on Dr. Honea at ART of Alabama. We knew she was a great choice the instant we met her! She's a Christian first and foremost, but she also has the knowledge of fertility issues. She performed the first successful IVF procedure in Alabama, after all! They're aggressive with women over 30, which is what we wanted.
So our first visit in November 2013 went well...our physical exams were healthy, our blood work came back good, and the genetic screening came back with no genetic issues. We were moving forward as soon as my next cycle started!
On December 5, 2013, we did our first IUI! This stands for Intrauterine Insemination and without getting too detailed, a small, thin catheter is inserted through the cervix into the uterus and the sperm is then deposited directly into the uterus instead of having to travel through the cervix, where a majority of them die in everyone.
December 18, 2013 I went for my beta test (this is beta-HCG, which is the blood pregnancy test). I wasn't expecting this to be positive because what I thought was my period had started that morning - right on time! The results of this came back at 5.1, which was confusing. A negative result is less than 5, but it isn't a positive test unless it is greater than 10. So it was neither positive or negative. They instructed me to proceed as if it were negative and we'll start a new baseline blood test for a new cycle on Monday, December 23.
On December 23, 2013, I went in for my "baseline" appointment. This means they take blood and check your estrogen and FSH numbers - these are the hormone levels they use to determine when you ovulate. They also did a trans vaginal ultra sound, which is standard - I had had MANY of these by this point. She noticed my uterine lining hadn't shed quite like it should, but assumed I just wasn't done menstruating and we moved on. Imagine my shock when they called me later that afternoon and congratulated me on being pregnant! My beta level was 122! Holy cow! They were very concerned that my progesterone level (this is the hormone that keeps you pregnant) was very low, so they started me immediately on progesterone supplements and sent me off to enjoy Christmas.
We decided to only tell our parents and sisters about it since it was 1) so early and 2) we were already dealing with complications. They were excited for sure, but we were all cautiously optimistic.
Unfortunately, on my next appointment on December 26, my beta levels had dropped to 106. They weren't ready to throw in the towel just yet...but on my December 30 lab, they had dropped even lower to the 80's. They confirmed a miscarriage, but instructed me that I would still come in for twice weekly blood tests to follow that level all the way to negative.
After seeing a huge spike in my beta levels at the following blood draw, it was confirmed that I had an ectopic pregnancy. An ectopic pregnancy is when an egg is fertilized by the sperm and an embryo is created. As Christian, we believe life is conceived at this time. However, due to reasons that are never known, the embryo implanted itself outside of the uterus. It doesn't always happen in the tube - it can occur outside the uterus, on the bladder, anywhere in the pelvic region. We are fairly confident mine happened in my tube since I presented with the symptoms of that (pinching on the side from which I had ovulated, sharp shoulder pain on the the side I had ovulated from, and heavier than normal bleeding).
They recommended a high dose of methotrexate, which is a chemotherapy drug, to dissolve the pregnancy. This was the best option in their eyes because it avoided surgery and guaranteed preservation of my left ovary and tube. But this also meant we had to go 3 months with absolutely no getting pregnant due to the harmful effects of the drug.
April 8, 2014 I finally had my third cycle start and we are back to the grind of trying.
We have gone through every range of emotion since that first appointment in November. We have felt extreme optimism and hope, excitement, anxiety, JOY, loss, grief, patience, and now fear. Fear of what is to come with this new cycle. In my darkest days, I found myself covered in grief and crying out to God asking why. Why me? Why this? Why had he forsaken me? I found myself angry and doubting His direction in my life. Then I would get angry at myself for doubting God. We know He has an infinite plan for our lives. And we hope and pray that plan includes a precious babe (or two!), but we also will accept whatever He has in store. We only ask that as you read our entries and follow our story, that you will pray with us and for us in this journey.
We continue to pray, "Lord, light our path..."
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