POAS Starts Soon!

It is six days until the ultra sound that will determine if I am about to ovulate.  Which means I have to start the POAS process tomorrow.  That's Pee On A Stick for those not in the fertility world! 

So tomorrow I will start doing an ovulation test every evening about 6:00 or 7:00.  Once we notice significant color on the second line, we will schedule a "surge" appointment.  The test will indicate an LH surge, which is the hormone that indicates ovulation.  If this hasn't happened by Monday, we will proceed with our regularly scheduled ultra sound appointment to see if there is a follicle on my ovary.  We're praying there is!  Follicle = egg.  So we're possibly a week away from the IUI procedure.

I am feeling a range of emotions on this cycle.  Back in December for our first one, I was so naively optimistic.  We hadn't been through a lot yet and I just felt confident.  I was cautious, didn't drink a drop of alcohol once we were on Day 1 of the cycle, avoided all the foods you can't have (soft cheese, deli meat, etc.). 

This cycle feels different.  I feel weathered and beaten down by the world.  I know God has a plan in this, but I can't help but be pessimistic this time around.  It's what tragedy does to you, I guess.  It's my own way of protecting my emotions and guarding my delicate heart this time.  I allowed myself some wine last night, I ate a salad with bleu cheese today, had a hotdog last weekend. 

I don't know what will happen this cycle.  What I do know, is I don't think I can go through another ectopic.  I can handle this cycle not working over another ectopic.  I'm praying and trying desperately to stay cautiously optimistic.  To rely on the strength of the Lord and not my own understanding.  To know that Christ is wish us.  God never promised that he wouldn't give us more than we can handle.  That's not in the Bible.  God DOES give us more than we can handle.  He tests us, strengthens us, and I know He wept with us over our loss in January.  We have a sweet, precious life waiting for us in Heaven when we get there.  Christ died for our sins, but we're still a fallen creation.  There is still sin in the world.

Prayers are felt when we feel our weakest.  And we appreciate it so much!  Our future is bright, but unknown.  And for now, we have to be OK with that...