A New Cycle Starts...

Yesterday started a new cycle for us on our quest for a precious babe.  You know, it's funny, I used to care so much if it was a boy or girl; now I just want a healthy baby.  I used to care that it had blonde curly hair; now I just want a healthy baby.  I could go on-and-on. 

My estrogen and FSH hormones were right on track, which is good.  We're going to proceed with a natural cycle again this time, which means no drugs.  The most common is Clomid, which most people have heard of.  I ovulate well on my own, but it never hurts to stimulate egg production a little.

I'm not sure how many cysts were on my ovaries because I forgot to ask during the Ultrasound.  My cycle in December I think I had 10-11 per ovary, which is borderline PCOS.  If you aren't familiar with PCOS, it is EXTREMELY common and hereditary.  My little sister is already exhibiting signs of it and she's only 24.  You can read more about it here. 

My emotions are wavering...right now I feel like it's a fresh start and we're on the path, the next minute I'm emotional and feeling hopeless like this will never happen for us.  I know there are plenty of people out there who have struggled longer or had more losses, but I've learned in all this not to compare your situation with someone else's.  The pain and exasperation we feel now is ours and it's real.

SIDE NOTE:  I'm going to give you a piece of advice right now!  If you've never struggled with the embarrassment and anxiety of infertility then you have no idea how a woman going through it feels.  The WORST thing in the world you can say to her is, "Just relax!  It will happen when you just relax!"  Really?  Because I'm going to relax my foot right up your @$$ if you say that again!  If it would happen when I was just "relaxed", it would have happened during the two years before we actively started trying when we were off birth control and not even really thinking about it.  It is seriously so offensive.

My prayers today have been for peace and calmness about everything.  To just go along and be happy for the opportunities we have in front of us.  And to let this serve as my journal throughout this emotional adventure!

-E